honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
