It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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