I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
