What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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