i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
