I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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