I think my vagina is haunted
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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