I just saw a hot homeless man
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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