the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
