Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
