If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
