ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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