Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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