reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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