Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
