They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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