just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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