Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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