I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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