At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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