I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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