I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
