Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
