So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
