I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
