who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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