Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
