somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
