I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
