I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
