somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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