youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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