Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
