just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
