Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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