Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
