I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
