Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
