ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
