dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
