Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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