First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
