two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
