If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
