you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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