Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
