Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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