He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize