my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
