This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
