four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
