I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
