Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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